Gaara The Fat Racoon
by xxmisfit121
Summary: Naruto, Kankuro,Tenten and Gaara have been assigned a mission to find a certain amulet. They don't know what it does at first, until Gaara wakes everyone up in the middle of the night screaming.... Rated T for language. I don't own naruto
1. Chapter 1

A red haired sand ninja walked through the forest with his companions. They were all talking, one of them was particularly loud, about how they would complete this mission. It was a stupid mission. A few ninja from completely random teams had been put together and put on a mission to find some kind of amulet. They didn't know much about the amulet accept that it had some sort of power. Could it _be _any more vague? All they had to do was find it, guard it, and bring it back to Kohana. Why he and his brother were on a mission for the leaf village when they were both from the sand village no one knows. This mission would somehow end up absolutely-

"Gaara, we've decided that you're going to guard the amulet at night when we find it!" a blonde haired boy told him with his annoyingly loud voice.

"Huh? Wait don't I get a say in this?" Gaara asked frantically after being abruptly pulled from his train of thought.

"Well, you don't sleep, so it would be easiest if you guarded it at night, so no not really," a girl with brown hair put up into two buns answered.

"Plus you weren't paying attention, so it's your own fault," his brother, Kankuro added.

"So you already made up a plan?" he asked, wishing he had been listening. Come to think of it, why wasn't he?

"Yep!" Naruto said excitedly. "We've scheduled everyone's shift for guarding the thing!"

"And you didn't even try to get my attention?" he questioned, sounding a little annoyed.

"Well, we kinda did, it just didn't work," Tenten answered.

Gaara stopped questioning them and decided there was no use in arguing about it. It was bound to be their decision anyway. He just wished they had included him. H crossed his arms over his chest to show his irritation. Or maybe he was just thinking. I don't know! I'm just the narrator!

"Well, we still don't have it is, so making shifts to guard it was pretty useless," Kankuro pointed out. A look spread of stupidity across Naruto's face.

"Yea! But I was trying to think ahead!!" He shouted, trying to make his humiliation go away. He began to go on a full rant of which everyone tuned out. When he was done, Tenten spoke again. "Anyway, It's suppose to be somewhere around here, so we should probably start looking." She was right, they probably should.

"OH! I wanna check in that cave over there!" Naruto screamed.

"Naruto, that is such a cliché place to hide something! What do you think, it's going to just be sitting there on a shelf in the middle of a cave?" Kankuro told the ridiculously loud ninja. "That's not going to happen you hyper little-"

"Kankuro, for once he was right," Gaara told his brother as he looked over the blond ninja's shoulder. Sure enough, the amulet was in the most obvious, cliché place anyone could ever think of. Aren't I so creative?

"Ha! See? I told you-" he paused for a moment. "What do you mean 'for once'? I'm right… sometimes,"

"Wow, this mission is even dumber than I thought," Tenten said as she joined the two staring at the little gold and green amulet sitting on a pedestal. Naruto reached out to pick it up. Gaara swatted his hand away.

"Ow! Hey! What was that for?" he asked sounding slightly annoyed as he rubbed his now stinging hand.

"If the amulet was in a cliché place like this, don't you think there would be some giant, cliché , bolder is going to chase us out of this cliché cave once you pick that cliché amulet up of that cliché pedestal?" Gaara told him.

"Woa, you said cliché a lot in that sentence," Naruto announced. "Well, if you think it's so dangerous, you pick it up!"

"Huh? Why!"

"Because, if some giant bolder does chase us out of the cave, your sand will protect you,"

Gaara didn't say anything. He just glared at the annoying blonde boy for a moment before turning around to look at the amulet. Yea, this was going to be a big cliché mess. He picked it up with one swift movement and turned around and ran. He suddenly stopped when he realized, nothing was happening.

"This has to be the dumbest thing, IN THE WORLD!"


	2. Chapter 2

Gaara walked through the forest outside of the leaf village

Gaara walked through the forest outside of the leaf village. He, Kankruo, Tenten, and Naruto had set up camp. It was late at night now and they were sleeping. He was taking a walk just to get his head clear and think about… stuff. His head currently hurt and he was wishing it would go away. It wasn't like when Shukaku got exited, more like the skin on top ached. His ears hurt as well. This wasn't normal to him. He didn't understand why his head hurt either. He hadn't gotten hit in the head (that was obvious). It felt like there were two bruises on either side of his head just above his ears that were growing steadily more painful. His earlobes stung and felt like they were growing numb. It was weird. He rubbed at the pain on the right side of his head and felt that there was a bump.

Gaara looked at the amulet in his left hand. He hadn't put it down since they had found it. He felt like he needed to hold on to it. Something inside of him had kept him from letting anyone else guard it. He was beginning to feel like there was something odd about it. He was starting to think about that when the pain became unbearable. He clutched his head and fell onto his knees.

Gaara felt something under his hands. He had no idea what, but they wee getting bigger and he could feel his hands on them. They were a part of him. He felt his ears shrinking away under his palms. He wanted to scream but then decided he should stay calm. He didn't know what was going on yet. When he knew what it was, then he would scream. He stood up and began walking.

His footsteps were quiet as he walked over to where his companions had made camp for the night. There was a stream near by and he could probably see his reflection, or at least his shadow, in the moonlight. He leaned over the stream and looked at himself. He could only see his shadow, but even that surprised him.

Gaara's grey-teal eyes widened as he looked at the shape of his shadow. There was his head and his messy hair, and something that didn't fit. Two rounded triangles stuck out where his ears should be. He reached up to touch them, to see what they were or if they were real. He felt his fingers touch it lightly. It tickled and one of the triangles twitched.

Everyone was suddenly awakened as a loud scream filled the night. Birds flew out of the trees as a certain red-haired boy began screaming and swearing at the top of his lungs.

He was screaming mostly "HOLLY FUCKING SHIT!! OH MY GOD!! WHAT THE HELL!!" with a some other unnecessary swearing mixed in.

"WHAT!!" Naruto screamed at him, trying to make him stop screaming. It didn't work. More swearing and screaming came from the read-head's mouth.

"GAARA! CALM DOWN ALREADY!!" Kankuro and Tenten screamed, though they seemed rather tired.

Gaara stopped and looked at them, his eyelid twitching. After the moment of shock was over, the tired ninjas eyes adjusted to other darkness and they could see him more clearly. Their eyes widened as they starred at the two grey-brown, furry, ears sticking out of the sides of Gaara's head.

"OH MY GOD!! GAARA"S GONE DEMON AGAIN!! SHIT!!" Naruto screamed as he stood up to run away. He didn't take his eyes off of Gaara as he ran, however, and ran into a tree, falling unconscious.

"Oh my god, you killed Naruto!" Kankuro sreamed.

Tenten followed by yelling "YOU BASTARD!" only to stop and think before changing her mind. "No wait never mind, this is a good thing,"

"Wait! Did he really die?" Kankuro asked.

"I don't know, someone go get a stick!" Tenten answered.

Gaara handed her one. She reached out a hand to take it but kept staring at the boy's ears. Gaara waited for her to take it for a moment, but soon lost his patience and began shaking the stick in front of her face.

"Oh, right, sorry" She apologized before she took it and walked over to where Naruto was laying. Kankuro was standing over him with an evil smile on his face. Gaara was right behind her. They all stood over him as Tenten poked him with the stick.

"Hmm… He wont wake up," She announced.

"OH MY GOD! Gaara, you are amazing!" Kankuro yelled picking up a very surprised Gaara and hugging him. "You are the best little brother, EVER!"

"Kankuro?" Gaara asked, "Did you happen to take any medicine you weren't suppose to?"

Kankuro put him down. "No, but I did find this really pretty mushroom yesterday! It just looked so Pretty! I had to eat it! It reminded me of waffles…"

"Oh… Kay… Um, can we focus on, uh, maybe I don't know," He paused. "WHY THE HELL I HAVE CAT EARS!!"

"Actually, I don't think that they're cat ears, " Tenten corrected him. "They actually look more like raccoon ears to me,"

"Does it really matter?"

"No, but its fun correcting people,"

Gaara glared at her. "Okay, then can we focus on why I have raccoon ears then?"

"Uhg, fine, but only if when Naruto wakes up, I can hit him in the head with this," She bent down and picked up a fallen tree branch. The expression on her face was homicidal. Gaara looked at her nervously for a moment before he answered.

"Eh, sure, why not?"


	3. Chapter 3

Gaara was staring at the raccoon ears that had replaced his normal human ears in his reflection in the water. He would occasionally touch them, just to make sure they were real. Sadly, every time he did, he felt it and they twitched. They had decided it was because of the amulet and had him wrap it in paper so that no one else would touch it.

Meanwhile, Kankuro was digging through his bag, trying to find something to do. Despite the fact that his brother had raccoon ears, he was still very bored. He eventually found what he was looking for. Maybe it would cheer his brother up if he saw it too. He walked over to him and poked one of his ears, amused with the twitch his touch caused.

"Meet my new bestest friend, Spoon!"

He held up a white, plastic object in the raccoon boy's face.

"That's a fork, stupid,"

"DON'T MAKE FUN OF HIS DEFORMITIES!" he snapped. "It's not his fault he's oddly shaped!"

Gaara rolled his eyes and went back to being angsty and sulking over his new ears. A sharp pain suddenly shot through his lower back. _WHAT NOW!_ Gaara proceeded to fall over and start rolling around o the ground in pain while Kankuro tried to comfort his 'spoon' because gaara hurt it's feelings by calling it a fork. Tenten was now drawing all over Naruto's face being he was still asleep. Gaara suddenly screamed and everyone turned to look at him.

"What?"

"It! Hurts!!"

"What hurts?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!"

Gaara suddenly stopped rolling around on the ground when the pain went away. _Oh god, what now?_ Being the pain had been on his lower back, he turned his head around as far as it would go to see what had happened.

"OH MY FRICKEN GOD!!"

Tenten and Kankuro just stared at him with wide eyes. Gaara's scream had apparently woken Naruto up. The blonde sat up to what was going on.

"AHH! NOW HE HAS A TAIL!!"

Shortly after Naruto screamed, Tenten did as she promised and knocked him out with a tree branch. Gaara's lower eyelid was twitching as he stared in horror at the giant reddish-brownish-grayish striped furry tail sticking out from under the back of his shirt just above his pants.

"Okay.. maybe we should get going back to Konoha so that we can figure out what's going on," Tenten said, a little worried about that fact that Gaara was no longer holding he amulet, but was still transforming slowly into a raccoon. Gaara nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off of his tail.

"Kankuro and I will carry Naruto back. Gaara, go get your sand. Let's go," Tenten ordered.

"Not until Gaara apologizes to Spoon!" Kankuro protested.

"Oh my god Kankuro! It's a plastic fork!!"

"No he's not he's a spoon! How would you like it if someone called you something that your not!"

"But it's not a spoon!"

"And it's a _he_! Gaara, you have no reason to be so rude!!"

"Yes, because I'm not the human turning slowly into a raccoon,"

Tenten decided to end their pointless argument being there were more important things than Kankuro's fork named spoon's 'feelings'.

"If you both don't just shut up, I will murder both of you here and now!" Tenten screamed. Gaara began to open his mouth to say something, but she stopped him. "And Gaara, I will find a way past your fricken sand, so don't bother telling me I wont be able to kill you,"

Gaara closed his mouth and lifted his gourd over his shoulder and onto his back. Kankuro went over and helped Tenten carry Naruto. He was heavier than expected. Him and his stupid ramen addiction...

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**A/N: I know, short chapter, but whatever. xD Review please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry for not updating for like... ever... Life got in the way... again... stupid life -.- **

**Gaara: Damn... **

**Misfit: I know! life sucks...**

**Gaara: no... Well yes but, you remembered the story... now I have to turn into fricken raccoon against my will!!**

**Misfit: you've done it before.**

**Gaara: that was a Demon Tanuki, Baka! theres a difference! **

**Misfit: whatever... I'm sure no one really cares about this or actually reads it... so... Someone say the disclaimer, I'm too lazy.**

**Tenten: -glares in misfits general direction- xxmisfit121 does not own naruto (thank god)or claim it or any of that crap! now can we just get to the story!!**

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Naruto was slung over Tenten's back like an oversized, drooly, orange rag-doll as she and Kankuro trailed behind a very irritated Gaara. He was going much faster than the two of them and was making it hard to keep up with him. They both couldn't help but stare at his tail, which was making it somewhat hard to concentrate on where they were putting their feet on the branches. Yep, one of them was probably going to fall... -wink wink- probably-wink wink- fall.

"Shit!" Kankuro missed the branch and fell through the trees, trying to grab branches on the way down to stop himself, but had no such luck. Now who could've predicted that?

Tenten stopped to watch Kankuro'smagnificentstupidity as he crashed to the ground, face first. Gaara kept jumping through the trees in an attempt to get himself back to normal before he was completly raccoon-afied. Before he got too far ahead, Tenten called to him, or rather, she screamed at him as loudly as physically possible out of sheer irritation of the fact that she was carrying an iddiot on her back. Either that, or shewas PMSing... Hell, who knows? point is, she was mad.

"Hey! Get your mutant ass back here! I'm already carrying Naruto! I'm not taking your brother too!!"

Gaara stopped and turned around.He hadn't really been paying attention to what she'd said. He tended to toon out yelling out of habbit because of the tanuki that screamed at him in his head and his siblings constant arguments.

"WHAT!?"

"Get back here!"

_Okay, now she's just so loud, I can't understaand her..._

"WHAT!!"

"GET! BACK HERE!

_et ba her? what? _

"What the fuck are you saying!"

"GET! YOUR FAT ASS! BACK! HERE!!"

_Damn, shes like Temari. She gets pissed and you can't understand a word she says._

"I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR SAYING!! WAIT! HANG ON!! I'LL GET CLOSER SO YOU CAN TELL ME!!"

He jumped back to were Tenten was standing. When he landed there, she had a very annoyed look on her face.

"Now what were you trying to tell me?"

She sighed in exasperation. "I was trying to tell you, to get your fat, lard of a mutant ass BACK WITHTHE FUCKING GROUP AND HELP ME CARRY YOUR BROTHER BECAUSE HE JUST FELL LIKE FIFTY FEET!!" she screamed. It hurt his ears more than it should have. Raccoons must have sensative ears.

"Well, I'm sorry that I couldn't understand a word you were saying because you were SHOUTING TOO LOUD!!" He screamed back at her, making his own head hurt.

"Oh well I'm so sorry for making Mr. Demon Raccoon Boy have to PAY ATTENTION TO PEOPLE!"

"Well ,you know what Panda Bitch? You-" his sentence was cut short when he vaugly head a small sob from below them. The two ninja looked down to see Kankuro at the bace of the tree sobbing into his hands. He looked like he wasn't hurt, but he was upset anyway. The two jumped down from the trees and landed near Kankuro who looked like a women in one of those clice movies morning a grave.

"Uhg... Now what?"

Kankuro continued sobbing.In between sobs, a few words were heard. "Spoon," sob "died!"

The two ninja looked at the ground and saw that the fork had been snapped in half.

"Oh the tragity,"Gaara said in his monotone voice, showing no emotion or concern anywhere. "Could we get going now?"

"B-but, he, he" he started rolling around on the forrest floor, sobbing like a maniac. "SPOOOOON!! WHY SPOON?! WHYYYY!!"

Tenten sighed. Naruto began to stir on her back. He looked up, dazed. He then saw Kankuro rolling around on the ground."What happened?" he asked, suddenly concerned.

"Kankuro's fork broke," Tenten explained. Naruto's face lit up in horror.

"Y-you mean spoon?" he looked terrified.

"Uh... yea,"

Naruto gasped."NOOOO!! WHY!WHY! WHY!!"

"Because Kankuro fell out of a tree andit broke. Now can we pleaswe get going before something elsemessed up happens? You know like,me growing fur or something?" Gaara asked, obviously not caring about spoon at all.

"How can you be so heartless!!" Naruto glared at him. "Spoon died and your not going to do anything for him?"

Gaara sighed and pick the broken fork... spoon whatever it was up off the ground.

"EEWW! Gaara touched a dead thing!" Kankuro looked up in discust.

Gaara then made a small hole in the dirt and put the spoon in it. He covered the spoon back up with dirt and stepped back.

"Happy?"

"He needs a headstone!" Naruto pointed out.

Gaara glared at him, but pulled a small peice of bark off a tree and stuck in the ground by the 'grave'.

"Write something on it!" Kankuro comanded. Gaara growled, but obey the orders. He pulled out a sharpie from god knows where and wrote on the little peice of bark. He wrote "Spoon of whom is really a fork. Died because my brother is an iddiot, 2008-2008" there was also a small sand village symbol on it.

"Okay! We're done now!"

"No! we have to say a few words for him!"

Tenten groaned. "He was a fork named spoon. The end. Okay, let's go now,"

"I shall remember him fondly," Kankuro sniffed as he stood up. Naruto cried a bit, but they eventually left the 'grave' and began walking again.

After a few minutes of walking, Tenten realized something.

"Hey Naruto?"

"Yea?"

"Wanna get off my back?"

"Nah, it's comfy,"

She glared at him for a moment before tossing himon the ground.

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After about a half hour of walking, Gaara started complaing.

"My feet huuurt!"

"Get over it!" Tenten growled.

Gaara crossed his arms and pouted like a little kid. "Psh, you can't tell me what to do,"

"Oh, you wanna bet?" she whirrled around. The first thing she noticed was that Gaara's 'feet' had changed dramatically.

"Oh. My. God." she stared.

Gaara looked down to see his feet were now more like large paws.

"Why does shit always happen to me!"

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**A/N: Again, sorry for not updating for so long. I hope this chapter is good enough to make up for it. tootles!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Btw, I forgot to mention in the last chapter that Gaara's hands also turned into paws. Okay, moving on.**

**I don't own Naruto.**

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Gaara now was holding his shoes in his mouth being the shape of his foot no longer fit in the sandals and his hands no longer had thumbs. The amulet was hanging around his neck because it being wrapped in paper in his pocket is too boring. The ninjas leaped through the trees at a higher pace and Tenten hadn't been bothered in the last ten minutes. The quiet was very boring to the blond in the orange jump suit. It had bee a whole ten minutes now! Something had to be done. He began by patting his hands on his legs twice and then clapping once and repeating the pattern.

"Buddy your a fat man sittin' on a trash can! Your still gonna die someday! You got hair on your face! You big disgrace! Shuvvin' McDonals's into yo face! Singin', WE WILL, WE WILL, EAT YOU!"

"What the crap! That's not even how it goes!" Gaara pointed out.

"Says you!" was his retort. "Somebody, make another verse,"

"Oh! I will," Kankuro said eagerly. "Buddy your a fat man sittin' on a... uh.. cat man! You'll probably... um, puke today! You got crap on your face! You big disgrace! Squirting ketchup all over your face! Singin' "

"We will! We will! Eat you!" Naruto joined him in the last part.

"Gaara! Your turn to-"

"No!"

"Ten-"

"NO!"

Everyone was silent again. They would be out of the forest of death soon and they would be able to get Tsunade to put Gaara back to normal. Hopefully... If not, then Kankuro and Temari will forever have a raccoon as a little brother. Time passed and they were still jumping in the trees... Yep... more time passed... Okay I'm bored! They're at the leaf village gates now cause I'm sick of waiting!

They walked through the gates. Those two guy's, of who's names I cannot remember, were where they always are. Naurot ran through the gate first like the spaz he is. They had no comment on that being that was never going to change. Next was an extremely angry looking Tenten. Again, not much of a surprise. The third however, confused them slightly. The boy from the sand village wearing all black along with some purple face paint *cough* Kankuro *cough* ran through the gates screaming like a maniac. However, that wasn't as strange as the last one. The red haired boy with a gourd on his back from the sand village ran through the gates, apparently chasing the boy in black, on all fours, had two ears, a fluffy striped tail flowing behind him, paws, and was slightly smaller than before. Thankfully, he was still human. ish... Kankuro ran away from the starnge looking boy in terror.

"Oh dear god! it's gonna kill me! I'm sorry! I thought it would be funny!" he screamed as he ran for cover behind Tenten.

"Yea? Well it wasn't!" He screamed back,shoes still in his mouth, as he pounced on the poor puppeteer and started scratching at his face. "Your just lucky my sand manipulating abilities don't work anymore because of this stupid amulet!"

"OW! Dammit! I think I'd rather be crushed painlessly than have you claw my face off!" he covered his face with his arms so that he would get hurt anymore. Gaara panted heavily once he'd stopped swatting at him. Kankuro shoved him off his chest and stood up. Gaara stood up on all fours, somehow not being crushed by the weight of his gourd with was now slightly bigger than he was. He sat down in the same position as a dog and just glared at his brother for a while.

"Okay," Tenten started. "We need to get to lady Tsunade now before I kill one of you," She started walking toward the Hokage building and was immediately followed by the spaz, the dude high on mushrooms, and the raccoon boy. Gaara attempted to stand up on two feet, only to feel extremely awkward being his body structure had changed to that of an animal's. He looked like a dog does when you try to make it walk on two legs. Just... odd. He let himself drop back down onto all four paws.

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The currently drunk Tsunade sat at her desk, laughing hysterically at the sight in front of her. Well, she was mostly laughing at Gaara, but you get it the picture. The poor mutant boy was sitting almost like a dog, only he had his arms crossed. His ears were lowered into a menacing position and his eyes were glaring at her. He also seemed to have some reddish-brown fur starting to crawl onto the sides of his face.

"Didn't I-" she couldn't stop laughing long enough to finnish the sentence. "Didn't- Didn't I tell you-" She continued to laugh until she could barly breathe.

"Lady Tsunade!" Shizune yelled. "All your going to do is laugh at them??!!!" Tonton squealed at Shizune's outburst and jumped out of her arms and onto the floor.

Tsunade figured out how to calm herself eventually. She cleared her throat. "As I was saying. Didn't I tell you your not suppose to touch the thing?"

"No!" Tenten said angrily.

"Oh... Well, your not."

"Well we can see that," Gaara mumbled.

"What was that, racoon boy?"

"Nothing," he uncrossed his arms. "Look, can you fix it or not?"

"Well, I can stop the transformation wear it is, but then you'll have to wait about a week or two for it totally wear off,"

"And what about the thing with my sand?"

"That'll come back too,"

Gaara's ears flicked back up to their normal position.

"Now," she held out her hand. Gaara walked up to her desk and removed the amulet from his neck. Or at least, attempted to. He was having a problem getting it off. After a few minutes of the boys struggling. Tenten gave a sigh of exasperation and slipped it off his neck, careful not to touch the amulet itself. She put it on Tsunade's desk.

"Now," Tenten started, "May I ask why that crap you wanted us to get an amulet that turns people into raccoons?"

Tsunade looked up, confused. "It turns people into whatever animal they seem most like,"

Kankuro looked confused. "How the heck is Gaara a raccoon?"

Tsunade just shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's because he eats so much,"

Gaara's head snapped up "I don't eat that much!"

Tsunade looked at him skeptically for a moment before opening her desk drawer. She pulled out a chocolate chip cookie. Gaara's eyes lit up. She threw it across her office. Gaara chased it, trying to move so fast that he slipped on the first few steps and got nowhere. Eventually, he managed to race over to it and eat it spazticaly off the floor. When he was done he looked up at the Hokage.

"This proves nothing!"

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**misfit: WOO!!! this story is ALMOST over. One more chapter should just abut do it. Ha.. imagine what Temari's gonna say when she sees Gaara like this? xD**


	6. Chapter 6

The four ninja had given Tsunade the mission report. They'd all left her office and were headed to Ichiraku's because Naruto has no creativity when it comes to celebrating that a mission is over. Well, most of them had left anyway. Gaara was still sitting in Tsunade's office.

"Any special reason your still here, Raccoon Boy?" she asked bluntly.

"You said you were gonna change me back," he answered in a dull tone.

"I did not. I said I was gonna stop the transformation and let it wear off," she informed him.

"Well... Could ya' do that?"

"Not yet,"

"WHAT!!"

Gaara's jaw fell open slightly. _What the crap is this?_ _What's she going to do? Wait until I'm completely a raccoon?_

"I've decided that I'm going to wait until your completely a raccoon before stopping it so that you don't look so..." she paused, a look of disgust on her face.

"Messed up?" Shizune finnished for her.

"Uh... sure, we'll go with that," She looked at the astonished looking boy.. raccoon.. thing sitting on the floor and sighed. "Look, the transformation will be done in a little while judging by how fast you features are changing. But, just so it's a little more convenient, don't wait until you lose your voice."

He looked up at Shizune. "Is it that bad?" He looked worried. Shizune nodded. "Here," Tsunade reached into her desk drawer again. Gaara's eyes lit up, hoping for another cookie. To his disappointment, it was just a mirror. She handed it to him and he took it in his mouth. He put it on the floor in front of him and looked into it. He'd gotten even smaller in the past few minutes, not that he hadn't noticed that by the fact that he seemed to feel shorter and shorter all the time, and his face had changed. it looked slightly more raccoon like now and was covered with fur. The dark rings around his eyes had gotten thicker. He generally looked like a large, burgundy, raccoon in human's clothes.. Though, for some reason, the love kanji was visible on the fur. Gaara put the mirror back on the Hokage's desk.

"I'll come back when I look completely like a raccoon," he sighed as he jumped up into the window and left the Hokage's office that way, not wanting to go down all those stairs.

Gaara landed easily on the ground and started walking toward Ichiraku's. he'd made Kankuro take his gourd being it was now too much bigger than he was for him to carry. They were still eating when he got there. Accept, Tenten had gone to do something else. He jumped up onto the stool between Naruto and Kankuro.

"Did grandma Tsunade do that jutsu on you?" he asked, a mouth full of, no doubt, his second bowl of ramen because he's a fat lard and didn't want to wait for Gaara to get there.

"No, she's gonna wait 'til the transformation is done," he sighed.

"Aw c'mon! You mean I'm gonna have to carry this thing home for you?" Kankuro whined, gesturing toward the large gourd on the ground by his feet.

"You were going to have to anyway. Didn't you hear her? She said it would take about a week," Gaara told him.

"No, I was too busy trying to figure out where to find a replacement for Spoon,"

"IT WAS A FORK!"

"NO! HE! WASN'T! You know, Gaara, you can be so rude sometimes!"

Gaara sighed in exasperation and picked up a chopstick in his mouth. He dropped it in front of his brother.

"There! Meet... uhh..." he paused thinking of a name for the wooden sticks. "Spork."

Kankuro picked it up and examined it for a moment. He put it down and seemed to almost start crying again. "It doesn't fill the void!" he burried his head in his arms on the counter. Gaara sighed.

"Hey old man! How about a bowl for Gaara?" Naruto asked.

"Gaara? You mean the boy from the sand village?" he asked, confused.

"Yea, he got turned into a raccoon and is being all emo about it so this might make him happy," he pointed at the red raccoon looking thing next to him.

"I can hear you you know!" he glared at the blonde. The man's daughter turned from what she was doing.

"Oh! He's so cute,"

Gaara's ears flattened. He glared at her for a while until he was distracted by the ramen placed in front of him. He picked up the chopsticks with his mouth and attempted to use them to pick up his food. That only caused problems involving braking the chopsticks. He attempted to pick up the next pair with his paws only to drop them. Eventually he gave up.

"You know what? Fuck this shit,"

He shoved his face into the bowl and started eating it that way. The only problem was it was messy and loud. The old man laughed. He picked up a fish-cake in his mouth and chewed it spastically. He paused as his ears unwillingly flicked toward a familiar voice.

"Kankuro!" he heard Temari yell from behind them. Kankuro turned around.

"Temari? Why're you here?" he asked.

"I came here with you two two days ago when you were assigned the mission because we thought I'd be going too," she said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was by the way. She then saw that Gaara was missing. However she also noticed the red raccoon-ish thing sitting next to her brother.

"G-Gaara?" she said, somewhat confused.

Gaara turned around, still licking broth off his lips. Temari noticed the love kanji on the raccoon's forehead.

"Holy shit! Gaara's a raccoon!!!!" she exclaimed, more to Kankuro than her other brother, thinking he wouldn't be able to respond.

"Really? I couldn't tell," the raccoon said sarcastically in a low, husky voice.

"Holly crap! You talk,"

Gaara nodded somewhat sarcastically. "Uh huh,"

"Oh and guess what else!" Kankuro said, somewhat angrily.

"What?" Temari said, not really interested.

"Spoon DIED!!!! And it's all Gaara's fault! And he wont apologize! And-"

Gaara cut him off. "WOA WOA WOA! How is it _my_ fault?"

"You were going too fast!"

"Well sorry that I was turning into a raccoon a freaking out about it!"

Okay, I think you can see where this is going. We're gonna skip to the next scene.

"Wait! That's not fair! It's Gaara's fault and i should be able to defend that!" Kankuro screamed at the narrator.

"No it isn't! You slipped! That's not my fault!"

-sigh- NEXT SCENE!

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Gaara had visited Tsunade who performed the jutsu on him just before he lost his voice. Yay! Talking raccoon! They were now walking back to through the dessert, almost at the sand village. Kankuro was carrying Gaara's gourd along with his puppets, and just because it's so much fun to torture the poor boy, Temari's fan. Gaara was also sitting on his shoulder because he's too lazy to walk and wants Kankuro to be in much pain as possible. If your wondering why, it's because Kankuro was very annoying to him during the mission.

"God, could you go any slower?" Gaara whined at his brother.

"This thing weighs _tons_! How the hell do you carry it all the time!" he gasped.

"Tch. It's only heavy because your a fat lard," Temari answered him.

"NO! It's heavy because I'm carrying _everything_!" he complained. "You could carry your fan you know. Your not broken,"

"No one cares. Now," Gaara cleared his throat. "Faster! Faster! Faster!"

Gaara continued screaming at his brother the whole walk through the dessert. Temari joined him as well. Theey screamed at him until the got the gates of Sunagakure where a certain screaming-fangirl-to-be was waiting somewhat patiently. *cough* Matsuri *cough*

_Fianlly. I've been waiting here all day. Wait. What?_

She looked at the two shinobi coming toward the village. One of them was carrying Gaara's gourd and his clothes. Immediately, she freaked out and ran toward them.

_How could he have gotten hurt on a D rank mission like this?_

Then, when she was close enough, she saw the love Kanji printed on the raccoon sitting on Kankuro's shoulder. It was also wearing a sand village headband around it's neck like a colar. And of course, she noticed it was screaming at the poor boy.

"Gaara-sensei?" she gasped. "What-" she was cut off as he jumped onto her shoulder.

"I don't wanna talk about it,"

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**A/N:**

**i feel as though that was a REALLY crappy ending... =/ Also the fact that Matsuri is only there when Naruto isn't accept for the one part, but Naruto leaves right after that... OH WELL! I thought it would be fun to add her. xD I might add an epilogue just because this ending was so horribly boring. xD**

**Gaara: AW! C'MON! WHY!?!!?! CAN'T I JUST BE HUMAN ALREAYD?!?!**

**Msifit: NO! now, I realize i keep forgetting to put disclaimers... but I don't own Naruto! Okay?! okay...**

**Gaara: Thank god!**


	7. SEQUEL!

**There is now a sequel too this story up! SO GO READ IT! NOW!!!**

**It's called "Gaara is still a Fat Raccoon"**

**(such an original name, I know)**


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